Back to work!

<p>Dearest Bubba, </p>
<p>Tomorrow is on of those days where I go to bed and hope I wake up feeling refreshed and revitalized because. . .

. . . That's right! Back to work.

Don't get me wrong I love the company but I really can't stand a few people. Most of them grumble all the time that they actually have to do work!

Apart from that and a complete pain in the arse member of management, I actually can't wait to start open university.

I have looked through my guide and I am ready to apply. I have also applied for quite a few new jobs which would be really good. I would have to stay where I am part time but that's fine. I just want to get away from the politics of arse kissing and find a rewarding career in teaching so I can help kids fulfill their potential.

I am going to keep my fingers and everything else crossed and I really need everyone else to please?

Will keep you informed.

All my love,
          always and forever,
                                  mummy x x

Lent - day 3

Dearest Bubba,

Today is day 3 of lent and I have been so good. I have given up chocolate, crisps, biscuits

and ice cream. Its very hard but I do it every year and this year I have more reason to do it. Its like the lyric in affirmation by savage garden. "i believe that junk food tastes so good because its bad for you." Even in the cinema I was really good, when I wanted to munch on loads of goodies I just chewed on my straw! So very satisfying. . . . Or not. All in all I do feel better and I know its good for me so bring on the temptation . . . . . . . . . just in small doses! As usual; All my love, always and forever, mummy x x x

Concerned?

Dearest Friends,

Lately I have obviously been feeling more emotional than usual and im under the impression that this is leading to two things:

1. Is that people don't want to talk to me in case I get upset or they don't feel they can share good news with me incase it makes me feel even worse.

2. Is that they are using my emotional time to hide what they are going through instead of being honest with me.

So if I make you feel like you can't talk to me then I apologise from the bottom of my heart.
However if you love me like you all say you do stop treading on egg shells around me!
Be honest with me, don't let things build up just say - You know if I am upset with you I tell you, even if its not what you want to hear. Stop treating me differently.

I need friends and family I can have a laugh with and still enjoy myself. It doesn't matter how much I want a baby, I still want my life too. And im not going to slum around the house with make-up running down my face looking for pity.

So I cry sometimes because its challenging! Put your arms around me and hug me until I laugh at myself for being so silly. Laugh with me!

There really is no need to be concerned, im not dying! I will get what I want in the end I always do!

Real friends are honest, even when you don't like to hear it. Real friends don't get jealous when you have good news! Real friends love you no natter what and appreciate everything you do no matter what. Lets be real friends?

I really appreciate the concern from everyone but I AM FINE!  please believe me and stop looking at me with sad eyes.

I love you all so much, and I know you are always there for me.

All my love,
           always and forever,
                               C  x x x

Happy pancake day!

Dearest Bubba,

Today is pancake day! I am two days into my holiday and already had about twenty phone calls from work.

I have been job hunting this week, and i went back to the doctors last night.

He admitted that im not getting help because of government funding and that the doctors that treated me would have gone back on everything they said, if i had private medical care.

So i got a bit upset again and nana spoke to the doctor whilst i calmed down. So to get the help i need, i have been referred to the gym, and a health plan, plus a dietician, and a counsellor.

So i am going to give it a try!

Just another hurdle to get over, but there is a smile slapped on my face and a nagging voice telling me to get up and go! Positive mind, positive results!

. . . . . . .

As usual,

All my love,
           always and forever,
                                     mummy x x

Doctor doctor

So I may have got my knickers in a twist today with the doctor. Its a long story so here it is!
I arrive positive and open minded to what they are going to say.
Nurse pops out and claims that I am at the wrong clinic, but the doctor will see me and help where he can.
I go in and he asks me why i have travelled so far to margate, when i have already seen someone else closer. I explain the last incident and how rude she was. He answered "its a harsh truth being told your overweight. . . " as if I hadn't noticed I couldn't fit into my size ten jeans anymore! He continued . . . " but it is the biggest factor of infertility and new guidelines say we can't offer you medical help until you lose ten percent of your current weight. . ." even though they didn't weigh me when I came in

. . . "as people that are over weight have higher risks of health problems during pregnancy, and we need to ensure they are healthy enough to get pregnant". I then explained that I have been trying but with little results, expecting more help when instead: "well keep trying and eventually you will get to the right weight so that we can help you, but you have to be patient." I cried more out of frustration this time, than the previous lack of respect from the other doctor and still nothing than a bit of sympathy and a pat on the back and a referral to the 'specialist'. Its funny because I didn't realise that the £94.80 that I pay in national insurance every month was for someone who doesn't even know my name properly to judge whether I should be given the opportunity to have a baby! And better yet to tell me to be patient and lose ten percent of my weight. I didn't realise that if you had a medical degree you were allowed to shred other peoples dreams. I guess I should have gone to university after all. On the plus side. . . Nope I can't see a plus side today. Maybe in the morning when I have had the chance to vent more. I will keep waiting for you! All my love, always and forever, Mummy x x x

Valentines day.

Tomorrow is valentines day.
What are my plans?
That's right I have a hospital appointment in margate. So I am currently chilling on aunty Cloe's sofa before I go to bed. The good news is that its all for you baby! I am slightly worried after the cow I saw last time.
Otherwise I will also be visiting grandad whilst I am here, then drive home to make daddy a nice dinner and watch lethal weapon 2.
I will write tomorrow to let you know how it went. Wish me luck x x

All my love,
           always and forever,
                               Mummy x x

The strangest thing!

Dearest Bubba,

The strangest thing happened to me today. I was in asda on my lunch when I say there two gorgeous twins with curly blonde hair, one baby boy and the other a baby girl. They were in a trolley and their dad was looking at dvds. When I walked past the little boy reached out to me, like he wanted me to lift him out the trolley. I was extremely tempted, then remembered it would be kidnapping so all I could do was smile and walk away.
In other news a test today shows I am still not pregnant so that made me sad.
I have hospital on Tuesday so will wait and see if a nice doctor will help me this time.
Will write again soon,

All my love,
             always and forever,
                                    Mummy x x x

Free of syns

This meal is free at slimming world and is delicious!
Here is how:
Per person - get a potatoe and stab with a fork and bake in the oven on a low heat until the skin is crispy. (wash first.)
When they are nearly done heat a frying pan. Cut your mushrooms and 2 cloves of garlic, and start frying. Remove the fat from the steak and fry with the garlic and mushrooms. Leave all the juices in the pan to cook the mushrooms better as you shouldn't use any fat or oil. If your pan sticks then use fry lite cooking spray. Fry until mushrooms are soft, and steak is the way you like it.

Gossip girl!

Dearest Bubba,

So i have just started watching gossip girl after aunty Kip lent me her dvds. Its actually addictive like 3 episodes a day!
But i guess it has taken away the addiction of chocolate, ice cream, fast food and everything else that is so not good for me.
I have started slimming world and its not going to badly so far, i haven't weighed my self so far but it seems that although i eat loads of crap i haven't put any weight on.

So i continue my way into the land of skinny. . . Maybe! 1 ryvita at a time! 

Until then,
All my love,
          always and forever,
                                  mummy x x