Looking Ahead

Dearest Bubba,

It has been a long time... but no news is good news as my journey begins to start.

Finally after what seems like an endless battle we have finally had some help in tyring to conceive a baby! Its brilliant news, better news would be a pregnancy of course butat least we can start this path again. I can start getting excited, and I can start to be hopeful.

The moment the doctor told me that it was fine and he was going to get me my baby I had tears in my eyes, I looked across at your daddy and he was speechless. We went in preparing for battle, like we had to do so many times before.

We walked into the room and sat nervously in our chairs waiting for the overwhelming disappointment to hit us again. Instead the doctor grinned from ear to ear, "so you want a baby?" he asked rhetorically. "Well lets get on with it, heres what we are going to do..." there were no issues with my weight this time, there was no 'umming' and 'erring', just to the point.
I think I was still dumbstruck by the absolute pleasantness of the doctor as your daddy led me back to the car, I cried a little at the thought that its not going to be much longer!

So now we have a strict schedule of pills and activity and blood tests in order to get you here! But I wouldn't change it for the world! Me and daddy have reviewed the names that we were thinking of and have decided that we want as much to be a surprise to everyone as possible so nothing on here until we know what sex you will be!

We have also had to look into the possibility of multiple births, as it runs in both our families and with the tablets I am on there is an increased risk. It would be just my luck to wait for so long for one baby and then have two or more come along.

I feel so elated at the moment about it all, and it just seems like there are babies everywhere. Maybe I was wallowing in my own self-pity to realise it before, but every where I turn there are bumps and push chairs, films about babies, and adverts and tv programmes. Maybe before we made this decision I just ignored everything baby like, but now I get a knot in my stomach.

Also this week me and daddy celebrated being together for 7 years! its amazing to think that 7 years ago I didnt see him every day and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He is my right arm and a part of my soul. When he isnt with me there is always a part of me that feels empty, especially when I am on my own. He is the best man in the world and he is going to be the best daddy.

Before we had the appointment at the hospital I had my doubts about wether he really wanted this as badly as I do. But in the car on the way I looked and saw his jaws tensing, and he kept fidgeting. I knew then that even though he doesnt talk about it, he wants this more than anything else. I saw that he is as scared as I am that we will be left disappointed again, and he is scared just like me that we will make mistakes!

We will make mistakes, and I can gurantee that we will not always agree on everything. But I can also gurantee that no matter what we will always cherish and adore you!

All my love
         Always and Forever
                              Mummy XxX